Menopause Confidential by Tara Allmen M.D

Author:Tara Allmen, M.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2016-08-09T00:00:00+00:00

MY SECRET RECIPE

You will need to purchase the following ingredients: Dulcolax suppositories, a bottle of seltzer water, two quarts of rich chicken consommé, and Prepopik laxative powder, available by prescription only.

On prep day, you must avoid all solid foods as well as dark or red liquids. First thing in the morning, start drinking your deliciously warmed-up chicken broth, which is filled with fatty globules. Your brain will feel very satisfied, and your tummy will not be hungry. Skip your usual morning cup of coffee, because it is a dark liquid. Instead, insert two Dulcolax suppositories into your rectum and await a bowel movement. That usually happens within an hour. Repeat with two more rectal suppositories about three hours later. Timing is important, because your colon does not like to be rushed.

Following that second bowel movement, you will be practically emptied out. The hard work is over, and it wasn’t even all that hard! Start your prescription laxative powder in the early afternoon. It needs to be poured into a glass of clear liquid. I chose seltzer water to make the whole experience fizzy and festive. Repeat with the second laxative powder packet in the early evening. What remains of the day is the emergence of a darkish or yellowy liquidy poo and some gas.

You should go to sleep by 10:00 PM and have a good night’s rest. Make sure you’re on time for your appointment the next morning. And always be nice to your nurses. If you don’t get at least an A for squeaky-cleanness, please let me know immediately.

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